Starting all over again??

Hello all,

A lot has been happened for this past week to today. Thanksgiving is creeping up on us around the corner. 

I felt so overwhelmed because I was stressed and rushed to put all of the activities for the kindergarten. I taught kinder how to make turkey card by tracing hand around, use markers to draw face and legs, and glue some beautiful feathers between the fingers on the turkey. Next activity was make another turkey but this one is all about motor skills. Tracing hand, learn how to cut around the line, trace little four fingers on 3 different color construction papers, cut it out again, then glue all of the pieces together. It was crazy but fun to watch them thinking and figuring it out. Again, I do not like to put in position where I have to get all stressed out and pressured by teacher to do this. I get it. Kinder can be out of control but that is why we have patience for. Not her. I can deal with all of the craziness but cram into before all the kinder go home for the holiday break is not my thing. 

For the project that I have been working on since the semester started....I got angry at it because it was not going anywhere. I tried several samples to make the look complete. Nothing work or at least make me satisfied with my painting. It depressed me because I let the control take over me and I have trouble letting it go. 

Until today, I signed up this wonderful art class. It is about relaxation and clear my mind. This class was about learning how to draw Mandala. I was so excited that I could just get away from the trouble I'm dealing with. With my discovery, I was able to focus and keep drawing and drawing until I was done with my own Mandala. I was pleased how beautiful it turn out. All of sudden, I'm thinking why can I not do the same with the project I'm having trouble with. 

Several pictures, I was doing all of this for my own happiness. I love doing what I am pleased to do. The question is after doing all the researching, discovery new techniques, Why can't I enjoy putting on the work on my canvas from the start to almost the end of this semester? Is it my fear that I don't want it as final project? What if I choose to do something far more greater and more beautiful instead this stupid, stucky piece? 

It seem like I have mixed emotions going up and down, loose creative vs controlled creative, and or maybe I just jump too far into conclusion where I can't meet my imaginative into reality. 

Until then,

Hallee